Some people watch the Regis and Kelly Show. They are always talking about some New York Broadway Show or another -- usually something loud, with animals singing. Something along those lines.

One day, my friends Fitzgerald and Jacklyn got dressed up as Regis and Kelly for a lark. They went to a New York Broadway Show, though I forget the name. They started yelling at each other and people gathered 'round.

Everyone was quite convinced, apparently. Which is funny because neither Fitzgerald nor Jacklyn is over twenty-six. So it was a real shame when a bouncer from a local club came over and pulverized the Would-Be Regis, hoping to offer his bulging, chivalrous arm to the Would-Be Kelly.

Would-Be Kelly said to the big fellow, "Thank you for beating up Regis. I'm afraid I can't go home with you, though. My husband may not speak English, but he speaks You Better Not Bring Any Bouncers Home pretty fluently."

After that, everyone had a stiff drink and no one thought much about it except Fitzgerald, who had a spinal injury. He said he would never see another New York Broadway show in his life, and I can't really blame him.